Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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