So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
