you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
