dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
