I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
