all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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