I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
