I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
