Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
