Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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