thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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