i can't believe i had my finger in that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
