"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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