Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
