I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
