She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
