I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
