No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
