Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
