Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
