i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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