These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
