I feel like I'm in dance class right now
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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