am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
