You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
