okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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