For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
