she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
