Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
