At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
