We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
