I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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