Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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