he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you had me at cake vodka
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
