she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
