i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There r osticjed everywhere
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I die, sorry about rent.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
