you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
