did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A+ Viking dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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