you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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