but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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