Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
