ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
