somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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