so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
