My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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