Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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