Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
