I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
