Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
