my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
