So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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