weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
