We're facebook friends in real life
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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